Goodbye - Cordelia
by Goddess Isa
Summary: Cordy has something to confess after Graduation


TITLE: Goodbye  
AUTHOR: Goddess Isa  
EMAIL: goddessisa@aol.com  
SUMMARY: Cordelia makes a confession after Graduation  
RATING: TV-PG  
SPOILER: S3 No evil S 4 & 5 stuff happened  
DISCLAIMER: Joss the moron owns the characters. I should kick his ass. Ergh.  
AUTHOR'S NOTES: I wrote this awhile ago and found it while cleaning out old folders at the garage sale from Hell last week.  
8/28/01  
  
  
  
"Lemme get this straight," Xander said as they got to Giles' house and knocked on his door. "It's tree bad, fire pretty?"  
Buffy rolled her eyes. "Fire bad, tree pretty."  
  
"Isn't that sorta messing up?" Willow asked. "I mean, aren't fires pretty, when no one's getting hurt?"  
  
"Do I gotta say it?" Oz asked. "I'm not much for the vocal."  
  
Giles opened the door and saw four somber faces before him. "Hello," he greeted them. "I wasn't, uh, expecting company. Come in. How are you?"  
  
"Fire bad, tree pretty." Buffy, Willow and Xander replied.  
  
"Ah. Oz?" Giles asked, just to be sure.  
  
"Present," he replied.  
  
"Very good," Giles gave him a weak smile. "I don't suppose you all--"  
  
"Cordelia!" Xander yelled when he spotted her. "What are you doing here? I tried calling your house like a million times and the operator said your number had been disconnected. Then she got pissed and hung up on me."  
  
"Oh, my dad, he's changing the lines 'cause of work or something," Cordy shrugged.  
  
"Are you all right?" Willow asked her. "You look kinda thin."  
  
"I've lost some weight," Cordy admitted. "Just one of those fad diets gone wrong."  
  
"You still didn't tell me why you're here," Xander sat beside her and stared. "Giles, why is she here?"  
  
"She was just getting to that when you all arrived," he walked into his small kitchen and picked up the kettle. "Can I offer anyone something? I have iced tea, Buffy," he added with a small smirk.  
  
"Do you Brits drink anything other than tea?" Xander asked, annoyed.  
  
"I need to tell you all something," Cordy began playing with a loose button on her sweater. "I came here to tell Giles. I thought that maybe he could tell everyone else later."  
  
"Is it about Wesley?" Willow asked. Everyone turned to stare at her, and she blushed. "What? I notice stuff."  
  
"It's not about Wesley," Cordy said quickly. "Noooo way is it about Wesley." she accepted the iced tea Giles offered her and sipped it. "I'm broke, guys. My father has been cheating the IRS for twelve years and it's finally caught up with him."  
  
"Oh my God," Willow looked to Xander. She knew by his face that he'd already known about this, and instantly respected him for not having blabbed it.  
  
"Cordelia, I'm sorry," Buffy said honestly. "I didn't know."  
  
"That's not the half of it," Cordy went on. "He doesn't have to go to jail, but we've lost everything. Our house, our cars, my jewelry, it's all gone. We're staying in some dump like the one Faith lived in, both my parents are working but they'll never pay off those debts, ever," she gulped some of the tea in an un-Cordelia-like fashion and sighed. "I can't afford to go to my dream school anymore, or any school, so I'm selling the diamond earrings I hid from the IRS man and I'm moving to LA."  
  
"Cordelia," Giles began. "Perhaps--"  
  
"It's okay," she gave him a small smile. "There aren't any words that will make me feel better, or make me stay. It's really nice to know that you guys care though."  
  
Willow noticed that Xander had grown pale. He hadn't known about Cordy moving, and the reality had hit him like a ton of bricks.  
  
"Why LA?" he asked. "Why there?"  
  
"I'm hoping to get an acting job. maybe I'll get a dog and walk it, then I'll get discovered like that guy in that WB drama," she shrugged.   
  
"We'll miss you," Buffy said. "When do you leave?"  
  
Cordelia took a deep breath. "Tonight. And I don't want any big goodbyes or anything. I just wanna go fast before I try and change my mind."  
  
"Cordy," Xander began.  
  
"I can't stay, Xander," she whispered. Then she looked at Giles. "Is is why I wanted to talk to you alone. It's too hard with everyone here." she stood up and handed him the empty tea glass. "I'll write when I can guys. I gotta go."  
  
Cordelia ran out of there like there was a vampire on her trail.  
  
"Poor Cordelia," Willow said.  
  
"It's tough," Oz commented.  
  
"Xander, I'm sorry she came to me," Giles said, knowing that Xander needed any words of encouragement he could get right now.  
  
"Me too," he stood up and took a deep breath. "I know we were supposed to bury the Mayor's skins and stuff tonight, but I need to be alone, k?"  
  
Everyone nodded and sat in silence for a moment after he left.  
  
"I had no idea," Buffy finally said.  
  
"Do you think it's 'cause of Wesley?" Willow asked. "The move, I mean."  
  
"I think she was being honest with us," Giles spoke up. "It must be horrible for her to be going through this."  
  
"Honesty from Cordelia," Willow remarked. "A definite first."  
  
"Even so, perhaps we could do something," Giles suggested.  
  
"No," Buffy spoke up. "Xander's handling it."  
  
  
*****  
  
  
He found her at the bus depot. He knew she would be there, crouched on a bench, reading a newspaper that was at least a month old. Her hair was pulled straight back and instead of the dress she'd worn earlier, she had on jeans with a purple top and that same black sweater. He thought she looked perfect.  
  
Xander sat down next to her and said nothing. He clasped his hands and waited. Finally, she spoke.  
  
"You shouldn't be here."  
  
"Neither should you."  
  
"I did love you, Xander," she faced him worriedly and bit her lip. "You know that, right?"  
  
"Uh...."  
  
"I loved you so much. That doesn't mean I don't still, I just......I'm not clear on a lot of things right now. And I'm really depressed."  
  
"Because of your dad?" Xander guessed.  
  
"Because I hate being in LA when it's not for shopping's sake," she gave him a small smile.   
  
"Then don't go," Xander said easily.  
  
"I have to go. One good job could get me started at CO State. That's all I really want anyway."  
  
"I'm gonna miss you," Xander said.  
  
"Me too."  
  
"Will you visit?" he asked.  
  
"I hope so. Maybe over Christmas."  
  
"Do you really want to though?" Xander asked. "Don't just say you're gonna come back if you're really not. I mean, I know you, Cordelia. You make up your mind to do something years in advance."  
  
"Things are not going the way I'd always planned them," she admitted. "I'm sort of trying that take life as it comes thing."  
  
"I hope you do visit," Xander said. "Even if it's just as a friend."  
  
"There's lots of friends here to visit," she glanced at her watch. "Just one you."  
  
They were quiet for a minute, then Xander leaned over and kissed her cheek.  
  
"I have to go," Cordy said. "My bus is boarding."  
  
"I'll walk with you,." Xander offered.  
  
"Thanks," Cordy stood up, "But no. I wanna get going on my own. I need to be used to it."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"Xander, do me a favor."  
  
"Anything."  
  
"Kiss me,"  
  
"I just--"  
  
"On the lips," she bit her bottom lip and looked at him, hoping and praying he wouldn't deny her that.  
  
He didn't. He closed his eyes and leaned forward, finding her lips with his. Their kiss lasted until they felt the need for air, and gently pulled apart.  
  
"I should go," Cordy.  
  
"Okay. Call me," Xander pled. "Collect even."  
  
"I will," she promised, thought they both knew she wouldn't.  
  
"Goodbye, Cordy," Xander walked away, mostly so that she wouldn't see him crying.  
  
Cordy glanced at Xander's backside, wiped away the tears streaming down her face, grabbed her things and headed for the bus.  
  
  
*****  
  
  
Xander walked all the way home even though it was more than five miles. He drug his feet as he walked and kept his eyes on the ground, not caring to see anything in the world around him.  
  
All he could think about was Cordelia.  
  
Lovely Cordelia, with the long hair and big eyes and heart that swelled at times even though she never wanted you to see it.  
  
Cordelia whom he'd loved since second grade, who made his heart skip beats, who was his first, real, true kiss.  
  
Cordelia who he'd love 'till the day he died.  
  
Sighing, Xander picked up a random tree branch lying in the gutter. Maybe there'd be a vampire or two on the way home. He could defend himself and wind up dead.  
  
At least it'd be something to do.  
  
  
*****  
  
  
The bus was hot, and there was a woman in front of Cordelia with what was probably the worst case of BO in history.  
  
With her nose plugged, Cordy leaned against the window, her sweater thrown over her face. She closed her eyes and tried to sleep.  
  
Her dreams were full of Xander and their time together. When she woke up, LA was only minutes away, as was her new life. Sighing, Cordy wished desperately that she was back in Sunnydale where she belonged.  



End file.
